i love cigarettes and more

Saturday, October 31, 2009 (11:49 PM)

its so frustrating when things dont go in place. what more when its important. like my lappy! oh my god. its creating problems. so like me. heh. well i still love it. its so like testing my patience gitu. haha. well today work was horrible. first time okay i work then rain. heavily some more. and then got scolding by my manager like god knows how many times. and then met honey from freaking 2 hours as he had to go off to work for standby. but he was too focused on his kude kepang till he like didnt entertain me:(

and im missing my sugar already. phuck. as time passes by i feel that im like not spending time with him at all. how sad but oh well. he's busy im partially busy. heh. and oh my 80 hours of training work is almost done! whee! i so cant wait for a pay rise. hopefully..

met syakirin at night chilled at starbucks. usual hang out. its been some time mann. but though for the first time my coffee tasted funny. haha. but oh well forget it. just not going to order that particular drink anymore. so weird. never used to taste that way.

Labels: my best gf

Friday, October 30, 2009 (11:34 PM)

after a hard day of work like hell shit mom nags. oh my god. its freaking irritaing la okay. and honey's like tired so he's letting go his tantrums on me. bad bad. i feel so fucked up mann. but well what to do. he is being me! damn. but yeah have to accept it. okay aku like so penat. aku cannot concentrate. so good malam. bye bye. tomorrow's opening!! omg im going to die soon.

Labels: tired

(12:24 AM)

opposites attract. but well its different now. hes being me im being him and it just goes round round without stopping. its so weird. have i been that bad? whoa i really didnt know. he used the word '~~suffered'~~. big word there. well im hanging on to see what he actually meant by suffering. im waiting to see its worst. anyway.. met a group of friends, yaw they made me well awfully crying inside but smiling outside. its funny yet weird when a sad song starts to play and everyone get emotional. its just oh so cute. and this girl shes oh so beautiful. captured my heart. heh. okay stop. though i still love my babyboy lots and lots. im hanging on!!

and somewhat about someone. she actually asked me to like post a special something about here. so here goes. shes sweet and all. the perfect girlfriend someone could have BUT okay theres a big but... heh. her attitude kan alamak mintak kene tampar ngan slipper. whee! but though i still llove her. wah.. haha. after what we've gone through. fights and shits, she's still a good friend whom i really miss alot:( but die kan busy with girlfriend. heh. idiot. and stop calling me taik you taik!! damn you. okay bye.

school plus work tomorrow. oh so oh no mann. waiting for a tiring day..

Labels: can we stop fighting?

Thursday, October 29, 2009 (2:51 PM)

i met dear adly yesterday. like oh my god. i missed her so much. i've been too busy actually. heh. pemalas pe budak. go and find work la you shit! haha. then aida and faati came down. like dont after how long. aida had some things she had to talk to me. and damn babygirl, please calm down alright. it'll take time. just hang on. i know you can do it. me and your other friends are all here. i know its a too heavy blow but well slowly but surely..

~~fuck this life fuck those people fuck the bitches.~~

nothing is perfect so all please get it right.

find new ones and then leave the old.

dont try and be nice if you aint.

i just dont understand people nowadays..

Labels: im hating it.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009 (11:34 PM)

had a good chat with my workmate that really changed my thinking about something.

what's ~~LOVE~~? just a word or is it something more?

well love can sometimes makes the world go round and wrong at the same time. like in my previous post, things goes smoothly for the first time and then go bonkers. i guessed i just noticed that mine didnt turn out that way. mine was yeah well good when it started out for a month or so then it changed. he didnt show any love nor concern but i know he actually does have humanity.

things changed, time passed and despite everything; he still came back. whether i accepted him or not, he is still there. no matter what my friends say or how much they hated him, i still need him. despite the embarrassment and every shit that we went through, we are still together. like people call it "SHIT HAPPENS". perhaps thats life. you cant run away from anything. what more problems..

problems will always rise no matter where you are and who you're with. the fact that i stayed and always pulling my words back and saying sorry is i know that i cant live without him. like a friend said, 'you;re so used to having him around elly. thats why its hard to let go. ' he's changed MY life. he's changed MY thinking. emotionally and physically. yeah i cant stand his stupid jokes and fucked up attitude, but thats him. and i love him for that. he does makes me smile despite the tears that he brought upon me. he was the only person that i do things for. mostly whom i actually listens to. not being the happy-go-lucky me anymore perhaps just isnt a bad thing. he can be a jerk but i know he dont mean it. idiotic boncet!! :)

Labels: i know i love you too much to let you go.

Sunday, October 25, 2009 (11:03 PM)

things have changed since i first knew him. yeah like everyone knows, when it comes to first few meetings and all, everything seems perfect not till you know their true colours. haish. well yeah been there done that. and way lots of times that it. he just scolds me anytime and anywhere he likes not thinking where we're at nor who we are with. yeah at times it can be embarrassing but not the fact of being in public but in front of his family.

things aint getting any better since we got back together. he's still being rough. cold not so. well he's just different now the way he treats me in front of his friends. sometimes i just wonder why. waht more especially with his girlfriends. haish. just wondering what i can do right now to make myself happy. work? nah. friends? maybe. rot? i suppose. haish. time and time again history just repeats itself. getting sick of it but im holding on.

and what more now, me..

im afraid of people scolding me. i just dont know. fear it. especially scolding by him. and when people gets angry yeah most of the time i dont bother, but now.. i dont know maybe i'll try make it up to the person. hell shit i aint me anymore. elly's changing. to what, im not sure myself. but i'll find out in time to come.

ps: i know somethings bad gonna happen honey.

(12:25 AM)

okay like forget it. i still cant upload the pics. haha.

hmm well today's work... one word, "SHAG!"

really mann. and what more ended late la okay.

stupid people dont know how to leave.

but well managed to grab the last train.

and today lots of funny things happened.

1st- i took cutleries for the guests and without any sauce.

2nd- i wiped the tartar sauce bottle and i wanted to pt in inside the drawer.

3rd- i closed the shutter without putting the stand.

funny right. its just me for being so you know.. funny.

and i'll always want to fall cause of my shoe! ah i so need a new shoe mann.

i want my reef la! but damn its like 98 bucks. kocek burst oi. haha

okay done. and im still irritated that i cant update my hortpark and botanic pics:(

Friday, October 23, 2009 (11:39 PM)

actually there's much much more pictures. but i dont know why i cant upload it. so irritating. will update it asap. heh

the pictures describe us.. the fun we had and the hot sun we went through. haha

Labels: hortpark oi

Thursday, October 22, 2009 (11:21 PM)

my sugar's back. im so so glad. haish.

after much talking and crying, he came back.

missing your touch and kisses for two damn days.

you finally came back. i just love you.

Labels: i love you honey

(12:59 AM)

~~040209.will it be memories?~~

just one day has passed. didnt have the appetite to eat. no mood to study. forcing myself to smile. that was all i could do. all i could afford to do is cry. thats what ive been doing since yesterday. works great today. met syak, reiko and hafiz awhile to like have a stick. i missed them. pretty alot.

news; status=complicated

me: dear, will we ever be happy again?

him: hope so..

me: its a no right?

him: i said hope so right!!

i know things wont be the same. hes being so cold now. i know he hated what happened 2 days ago. honey im sorry. it'll be hard to forgive me this time. first, i dont treat you like a tissue. second i love you too much to do that. third, im not happy if you're gone. forth..and so for. all he knows what to do with me now is be angry and cold. he didnt text me when he's out for work. he didnt call me the whole day. when i called he kept quiet. when i ask him whether he want to meet me he says up to you. when he wants to sleep he didnt force me to sleep.

i dont know whats the meaning of relationship right now. can someone show me?

Labels: im falling.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009 (11:44 PM)

~~maybe there'll just be no more~~ ~~040209.~~

it may just be the end but its hard to decide.

i want him but at times i just think its not right.

i know i need him but sometimes i just think he doesnt.

he does care but it shows that he doesnt.

like tv said love is like drugs.

you get high awhile and then the feeling's gone.

to think again its right.

love does gets you high but will it be really gone...

after some time i guess.

Gotta be strong gotta be strong but Im

Really hurtin now that you're gone

I thought maybe I'd do some shopping

But I couldnt get past the door and

Now I dont know, now I dont know If Im

Ever really gonna let you go

And I couldnt even leave my apartment

I'm stripped down, torn up about it

Nothin feels right when Im not with you

Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos

Takin them off 'cause I feel a fool

Try'na dress up when Im missin' you

Labels: nothing but your tshirt on

Monday, October 19, 2009 (10:42 PM)

bestfriend & boyfriend

(aida and dydy)

nothing much actually. bestfriend's boyfriend went to aussie for his ns and she's really down and under that he's not around. for a month oi. whoa. hang on babylove. well i missed today's driving cause i overslept after a tired day of school. so shit i know. school's schedule now really sucks la alright. everyday start early end late. i mean i already started skipping classes. oh damn i hope i wont continue:(

well yeah tomorrow's another day. going karaoke tomorrow. will update you again*winks*

and i really do miss my gfs. again im saying it. im so god damn sorry for not being able to be there with you girls. haish. damn me.

ps: i saw her and told her that she got lots of things to ~~explain.~~

Saturday, October 17, 2009 (12:52 AM)

i've promised to put the pictures.

francis!

most of the ushers

..and twice by francis. haha

oh bimbo kick once by don!

me kasha and honey kpo at the back. heh:)

jen and honey

kasha and jen

sorry didnt update for like dont know how long. heh. well school has start. timetable sucks. hmm works so far great yet tiring. tomorrow's depavali so happy depavali! haha. i miss my friends. alot! some problems came up but its cleared i supposed thanks to my dear syakirin. but i still havent talk to her. and oh my uncle's family went back to melbourne already. honey accompanied me to send them and ate at popeyes right after with mummy. bought jen a birthday present. her favourite VS perfume. hehe. she was freaking elated yaw. btw, im missing them mann. and my dear youngest cousin whom we call ayang cried like crazy. aww well.. waiting for my next trip there. hopefully next 2 years. i think maybe thats about it :)

Sunday, October 11, 2009 (12:30 AM)

today was fun yet still tiring. it was the F1 ushers of gate 7 pit. whee! first me, jasmine, xs and sharon shopped till we drop at giant. haha. cute right. out trolley was damn full. and all cost about like hmm 130plus. well then we waited for francis to pick us up. so long la he. then we went up again to get drinks for ourselves. heh. tired you know walk round and round like some gundu.

then reached ready set all the things up and picked sayang up at cheers while getting the grill. cause the one they got was too short. boo hoo. everthing went well and then there's this girl called bimbo came exactly on time when we finish marinating and all. haha. idiotic. cant update the pictures now. camera la with sayang. he jalan raye tomorrow. well im working:) will update when i have it.

to syakirin: dearest girl. i know ive been the worst of friend lately. been busy with work and boyfriend and you with school. im sorry if you felt shit. i hope you understand. but whatever it is im still a call away.

to her: stop being so shit. get a job can? dont depend on guys money. told you umpteen of times and yet you still dont listen. when you dont have cash, you'll go noisy. but when we ask you to get a job you'll just think its a nag. come on girl. we care. thats why we are nagging.

Friday, October 9, 2009 (11:40 PM)

i did split shift la sia today!

after so long. haish tired tired. thats all i got to say.

then granny warded la okay! and this menggali lady beside her ngade ngade la sangat. hmph!

jealous my granny still got visitors at that point of hour.

and i got a mission:) buy a small book and write all the numbers of aunts and uncles.

just for granny. sweet kan? tau. heh.

well pit tomorrow! whee! aku love it so much.

missing sugar rush and i still cant get through him.

wonder why...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009 (11:02 PM)

first day of work was great actually. but well i did quite a lot of mistakes. the worst is serving the wrong customer. haha. other than that. fine i suppose. hmm one thing i always noticed all this while, everytime on my first day of work i will get a cut. just one. or if not a cut i'll at least hurt. and the other is being late. haha. like habit gitu kan. okay i aint an early bird. i;ve got to like admit that. but well got to get used to it back again since im starting school. and akim, sayang's cousin, will be be joining me hopefully if he passes whatever is suppose to pass la. haha. but he'll be in the kitchen:) im the crew. heh. and just now met sayang awhile. he picked me up from work then went back home with me to slack. and last but not least, today is my fifth day forgetting to but my damn shampoo la okay! cb la sangat. haha. sayang's asleep so i got to get to bed soon anyway. got car prac tomorrow at 11am. chia lat. morning again. haish. nights!

Labels: work habits.heh

Tuesday, October 6, 2009 (11:21 PM)

and today sayang first day of work. haha. he's complaining a bit. cause he dont get to talk to me. haha. sweet kan. i know. heh. tomorrow's another day of a new work. the manhanttan fish's market, here i come! haha. well if people are wondering whats happening to my MCCAFE, dont wonder. haha. suppose to quit but they dont let me quit. not enough manpower. i guess. even the other beanies also want to quit but they say better not as well. what to do. just dont work la. haha. okay goodnight. i miss him la okay.

i met this dear babygirl just now at macpherson. such a dear of me right to come down there. haha. well actualli it was quite on the way la. i was from ubi. took my pdl and also book my car prac. at last im like learning. happy nye aku!! but at the same time, i feel damn nervous la okay. i mean really scary berry. but im just hoping for the best. heh. and guess what. i dropped out of lifeguard training. i was late and the manager said i couldn't come anymore. what a waste mann! for yesterday. i was really pissed in the morning. but got nothing to say la. things are just meant to be. maybe there is a message to it:) just trying to stay positive.

(12:17 AM)

hari ini hari pertame lifeguard training. sungguh tiring la okay. oh my god. really first day of lifeguard training was semi horrible. first i was late. i reached at 9.30am. when i was suppose to reach at 9am. then the manager, rashidah sort of scolded me and she kept hinting that the most important is attitude and punctuality. damn it. i was so paisey. and what the hell i was the only girl la okay! fucked up giler. ergh. i felt really like hello only girl. like hello people see not? but no one. haish. nevermind. okay the thing is, after i did stretching, we went for a 6 lap swim. then we did a compact jump and the 4 ways of saving guests and watched video and went to lunch and supposed to go back to pool but it rained! haha. then all we did was CPR from like about 2.30pm till 4.45pm. hectic la okay. kecoh to the max. everyone's knees and elbows hurts. haha. okay done. tomorrow will be another day. tired nak sleep.heh.. goodnight peeps.

Labels: lifeguard

Monday, October 5, 2009 (12:35 AM)

so so so sorry bloggers haven't been on lately. well got problems with internet. mum did not pay. haha. got lots lots to update la actually but kan i lazy. too many pics. what happened for the weeks..

26Sep- honey had pit with his camp mates at pasir ris. joined them after F1.

27 Sep- last day of F1 race. it was hectic i tell you. but so yeah.went home and sleep!

28 Sep- slept till like late afternoon. then i went to meet sop and ifah and syak. then cha came along.

29 Sep- work and met a new group of friends. blame it on syak and ifah. haha.

30 Sep- off and i forgot where i went.

31 Sep to 2 Oct- work plus cik lani's open house and met sayang at night. went home at 12plus. plus sayang pop night which i couldn't go due to the fucked up schedule.

3 Oct- jalan raye la okay! like at last i actually did. haha. and hmm with sayang, ain, faiz and bani.

4 Oct- cut hair! follow jen rebond hair. then hmm met sayang to catch a movie. and its our 8th month!! guess what i forgot about it. and he's pretty upset. damn me. im sorry dear.

thats about it. pictures at the bottom:)

about my new hair.. camera with sayang la. cant update. haha.

dont mind me for the messy arrangment. lap damn lag so yeah la. as long put good enough kan? haha.